Top 10 things I wished I knew earlier as a First Time Mom

When I was pregnant, I went crazy over research on what I should look out for, how the baby should be in the womb, signs that I must take precaution of, etc. But once I have delivered, I was so caught up taking care of my baby that I got worried over every little thing that is common.

1. Jaundice
There's almost no way to avoid this. Baby will have jaundice. It's just whether how serious(high) the bilirubin level is. My baby had prolonged jaundice that lasted for 2 months. I was so overly worried, thinking that my breast milk was the cause. Doctor told me it's breastmilk jaundice. But he never stopped me from breastfeeding. He even encouraged frequent feeding, every 1-2 hours so that baby can excrete the bilirubin via poop or pee. Of course, during this period we had to go back and forth to the clinic to have him checked. Also, jaundice baby tends to be more sleepy. So wake your baby up for feeding if they're sleeping longer than 3 hours!

2. Bleed
I was bleeding like overloaded period for almost 3 weeks! So do prepare lots of heavy flow pads / maternity pads. Don't carry heavy objects or if you must, don't do it for a long period. Walk slowly, don't overtire yourself. I thought the flow had stopped so I was walking fast and carrying my baby when we had to send him to hospital to get admitted due to jaundice. Then the next day the heavy flow came back.

3. Breast milk
Some mothers said their milk production was low. So I was quite lucky to have an appropriate amount to feed my baby. Don't give up on trying to latch your baby though. Breastmilk work as demand and supply. If your baby latch, so there's demand that's sending to your brain to signal more production.

I'd love to quote one of the mother that said to me while I was pregnant, "Even animals always have milk to feed their baby. We have too, we just need to think positive and always think that we have breastmilk. It may come slow, or few days or weeks late, but WE HAVE"

Breastmilk is the best food you can provide to your baby from newborn until 2. You can even continue if you want to.

4. Leaking
I didn't know that full breast will leak! I've so many emergency pumping sessions while I was in my early motherhood days. I wasn't used to the frequency of nursing and most of the time, Jacob only takes one side of the breast, so the other side will still be full! Also, while feeding on one side, the other side will leak/squirt. Depends on the let-down.

5. Engorged breasts
It's painful. I haven't got mastitis before, I read that if engorgement is left untreated, we may get mastitis. So do remember to clear the breasts before it gets too full! Also, if prolonged, the production may decrease. Because the brain thinks baby doesn't need that much.

6. Fickle boobs
Breastmilk supply may go up and down during the first few months after delivery. The body is still trying to get used to the schedule. So don't worry if the production is too much or too less. It will adjust itself after few months.

7. No menstruation
It can be a whole year long or even longer depending if you're still breastfeeding. It's 8 months now and counting that I still haven't got my period back. I'm kinda liking it but at the same time worried if there's something is wrong with me. I've always thought that period will be back to normal monthly flow after that weeks of blood after delivery. I was wrong.

8. Mother's thumb
What is it? It's an inflammation near the thumb and wrist from repeatedly lifting heavy babies under their arms. It usually happens to new mommies. It results from pointing up the thumb and wrapping the other fingers around the back of the heavy baby, which will cause inflammation in the tendons below the thumb.
I'm still having it since Jacob was 2months old. It's painful. Always take note on how you carry your baby. Lately, I felt that it has gotten worst when I was changing his diaper. Too much wrist movement probably. I should wear my wrist guard back religiously. Bah.

9. Breast Pump
Invest in a good breast pump. I read that good breast pump can indirectly help to yield more milk when pumping. Also, get a hakaa, a milk collector.

Image is from google

It's useful when your baby is latching on one side, then you put this milk collector on the other side to collect the milk that is leaking. Or if your breast pump is a single pump, then this helps too! I've wasted some precious liquid gold in my first 2 weeks of not knowing this collector.

10. Be prepared to nurse in public
Unless you don't go out at all. It's hard to time when your baby needs to nurse and sometimes you can't avoid the need to nurse them when you're out of the house. Traffic jam maybe? Get a nursing cover or even a big scarf to cover yourself while nursing in public if there's no nursing room provided at whereever you are. But nowadays in Malaysia, many malls have nursing room facilities. If you have the budget, you can buy some nursing clothes too. I've been using my oversized tshirt and a scarf to cover myself. I've seen mothers who had nursing tops, breastfeeding without a cover! So experienced! Gotta learn.

Just slide and nurse! So convenient

Most of this experienced are based on a first time breast feeding mom. I'm lucky to be able to breastfeed. It's tiring but once I knew the benefits of breast feeding, I just keep pushing myself forward day by day. Hopefully I'm able to continue on this journey until baby decided to weans himself off.

Discussion: Should parents pay for your wedding?

Big question here. As a modern and working adult, my answer is definitely NO.

Since I'm a Chinese, I'm only basing on Chinese wedding and my answer is still NO.

Some may bring up the question. "Most of the guests whom are coming to the reception are my parents friends, why should it be me who pay for the wedding? They are the one who wanted the reception so they could invite their friends, not me"

One word for you, SELFISH.

Parents may help out on your wedding, parents may voluntarily sponsor your wedding but you shouldn't have your parents to fund your wedding, you spoiled brat. Mind my words. I don't agree with such thoughts.

Parents have been raising us up thus far. Come on, now they even have to pay for your wedding? Wedding or marriage is something that signifies that you're adult and mature enough to have a family of your own. Your responsibility and commitment are in question here. Yeah, just keep getting baby-ed and you'll forever never be able to grow up.

I'm sure no parents would want to choke their children in their budget. Discuss with your parents. Unless you yourself also invite your friends and wanted a posh venue for your wedding, then I guess there's the price to pay.

Living in the city, venues for wedding reception doesn't come cheap. Especially with Chinese wedding where the price ends with 88. It would be like RM 888++, RM 988++, RM1,288++ per table kind of value and most of them requires a minimum amount of table. The least I've encountered so far was 20 tables to book a private "hall". For an RM 888++ per table * 20 (minimum), you'll end up with total of RM 17,760. THAT is only the minimal you'll have to pay for table price. Imagine if you wish to add alcohol drinks, that would easily total up to 20k for a reception. That bill obviously excludes your pre-wedding preparation costs and other fancy things you want to add on.

If you think your parents should also cover your pre-wedding preparation costs, just one piece of advice personally from me to you, don't reproduce. You'll end up in more debt. Who is going to clear that for you? Your parents? That's YOUR direct family already. How spoiled can you be.

If you're financially tight for wedding, cut cost.

Here's my opinion:

1. Research and find a decent priced venue for your wedding.

While the restaurants mostly priced at similar range, you can still find restaurant which has more to offer in their wedding package. For example package that includes complimentary alcohol or complimentary emcee, free flow of drinks, more flexibility on the tables you requested, etc. Things like this more or less could save some of your budget.


2. Ditch the pre-wedding photography

While it's nice to take a pre-wedding photography (especially for ladies), that is, you'll get to wear the gown of your choice and flaunt the model in you and be the star of the day; it's really an expensive cost. Hiring a photographer and renting wedding gown and all could easily cost you RM 3k. The package from bridal shop which usually includes photo albums, are just there soon to collect dust. How often would you look back at the book? It's been more than a year, I don't look back at it. You can save this budget and do a low budget photography instead if you're planning to display this later in the reception. Borrow a DSLR and tripod from a friend or even just a normal camera on your smartphone and take casual happy picture of both of you. I think that's even more hipster!

3. Have a small reception.

Just between families and close friends. Period.


4. Have a budget sheet that you can refer back how much you've spent.

This works psychologically. Set a maximum budget you can afford for the WHOLE wedding. Each time you purchased something for your wedding, deduct that from your budget. That includes the pre wedding stuff and customary items and the wedding reception. Roughly list out what you may need before your start purchasing and set an "expected" budget on it and if the actual cost exceeds the expected budget, something else gotta have to be sacrificed.


It may sound naggy that I may have repeated myself in one of the posts but my family is currently planning for a wedding and I got stressed out. Since I just had my wedding recently, my family members are asking me for advice and some of the thoughts are just ridiculous that I need somewhere to vent it out.

Wedding is indeed expensive, so be careful with it and I'm sure if there's a well plan, debts can be avoided to make the wedding a success.

KKIA vs GH vs Private hospital

Ever since I got high BP measurement, I was referred to the government hospital (GH) and now, I have a file opened there. A record - a bad record I would say.

Anyway, all these 3 places has a slight different procedure. I'll do a simple routine comparison in this post.

KKIA(Gombak):

• Come on the appointment date and time (earlier is preferable)
• Put the pink book into basket that indicates the appointment time respectively
• Wait for nurse to call your name
• Pay RM1 and wait for your number to be called
• Meanwhile, get your urine tested. Container will be provided.
• Place the urine sample on a laboratory window and wait for nurse on duty to get to the lab
• Once the nurse tested the urine, collect the bottle yourself and dispose both urine and bottle
• Get the piece of paper from the nurse on duty to indicate if the test is positive or negative
• Continue to wait for your number to be called to nurse's room
• At nurse's room, weigh, measure blood pressure, check hemoglobin level, check baby's heart rate, womb measurement, get vitamins and listen to nurse's advice. Done.

GH (HKL):
- Wasn't able to do a routine kind of checkup here since I was there most likely to see specialist. Let's see how it goes in my next appointment. But as far as I can tell, the procedure are:

•  Come on the appointment date and time (way earlier is preferable)
• With your pink book,put it into basket provided and wait for your name to be called
• You will be given ticket number, then directed for urine testing then BP testing
• Then make payment at cashier counter
• See doctor

- that's as far as I can tell since after that, I'm only seeing doctor. But I feel the routine in GH is a little messy especially for first timers. While in KKIA, it's all organised by number system.
But I guess if you're not at risk of anything, you probably won't be referred to GH. Maybe.

Private hospital (Columbia Asia Hospital):

• Register yourself at administration counter
• Wait for nurses to call for weight and urine test.
• Wait for nurse to call to see doctor. - done.

Process is much shorter and you'll be able to do scan at most of the time so you got to see the baby's development. Also, you'll be able to speak directly to doctors to voice your concern or ask for advises.

There you go. This routine, however, is location specific. I do not know what other hospitals or clinic routine may be. So this is only based on my experiences. Feel free to share your routine at the places you do your check ups!

What to pack into maternity bag

Once you hit the 8th month of your pregnancy, tt's any time now for delivery. You have to be ready by now. You'll never know when your baby decides to greet the world! Start packing your maternity bag for preparation. But how big should you pack your maternity bag? I have that question running in my head few weeks back and I've been reading guide on what to pack. I'm the kind of person who like to pack minimal but enough of needs in one bag.

First, choose a bag. I was thinking just to bring a bagpack initially but I manage to get a free maternity bag from diapers purchase on the last baby fair (hooray), so I use that bag instead.

Essentials to put in. What I have in my bag are:

For mother (me) :
- Maternity pad
- Disposable panties
- Toiletries & towel
- After delivery (discharge) clothes. (Pack maternity clothes instead. The bump may still be there but smaller.)
- Phone charger - I have yet to pack this since I'm still using it at home. Will probably pack my spare powerbank instead of charger)

For baby:
- Newborn diapers
- Towel
- One or two sets of newborn clothes (also mittens, booties and cap)
- Baby shampoo
- Baby wipes 
- Swaddle

These are the few minimal items that I can think of to pack into the bag. IF I google online, there are tonnes of things to be packed, that includes chapstick, mask sheet, book, camera, etc.

Of course, if you want to, you can also pack these into the bag although it depends on the hospital if the items are allowed, especially camera.

Once you got these items packed into your bag, make sure to put it aside at somewhere visible or somewhere you could remember. Or better yet, my nurse advise me to put it straight into the car. But I don't feel comfortable to put my bag into the car just in case the heat of the sun may damage them. In any case, I've also informed my husband where it is placed, so if we really forgot about it when we heading towards the hospital in a rush, he can return and grab them quickly.

Preparation for parenthood

Wedding is finally over and now both of you are preparing to be parents! How exciting when you first got that home pregnancy test showing positive! Congratulations!

Alright, what's next?

This is entirely my own experience, now that I'm 30~31 weeks in pregnancy, I would like to share with you readers especially readers from Malaysia.

We're considered the lucky bunch because our government's medical facility has improved over time and giving us a lot of aid and subsidies for medication and check ups.

Going back and forth with both private hospital and government clinic so far, I would love to share my experience with you, especially first time mothers like me. *shy*

Both my hubby and I were excited the moment we've confirmed that I'm pregnant. We did multiple home pregnancy test from the basic stick to digital. Finally when the digital test kit showing that I'm pregnant, I got mixed feelings. "Yay! But what should I do next?"

According to Chinese taboo, you shouldn't share the news of the pregnancy until you're done with the first trimester. What they believe is that by telling the whole world that you're pregnant, you may "scare" the baby spirit thus causing miscarriage. Not being a very superstitious myself, I find myself still fall back to such taboo and thus hiding the news from my siblings and friends until the 3rd month had passed. Of course I did some research too if there's logic behind it. It is said that the first trimester of pregnancy is often the risky one whereby chances of miscarriage is higher therefore if you've told others that you're pregnant, the hardship  may even be greater when you need to share the  bad news of losing the baby.

So both hubby and I decided to only share the joy with our parents. We didn't know what to do then. The following day, we went to private hospital nearby for check up. The scan showed I was 5weeks pregnant (according to my LMP -Last menstration period) but the doctor couldn't scan much about it as it was still just a dot in the womb.

At 5 weeks.

We went home with joy nevertheless and got folic acid to reduce the risk of neural tube defects on the baby. We were told by doctor that usually before getting pregnant, the mother is advised to take folic acid too to cut down the chances for neural defects baby. We were lucky to be able to see the doctor, according to my brother, some hospital require you to make an appointment 2 months in advance!

My next visit was 3weeks later when I'm 8 weeks pregnant to scan for heartbeat. Indeed, we can see flickering in the womb and hear the heartbeating. I teared. Doctor also prescribed me vitamins to take to help increase the supplements needed for the baby.

When I'm 3months pregnant, we finally break the news to our siblings and relatives and friends. It was interesting to see their reaction especially when I broke the news on April's fool day.

My sister in law recommended us to open a pink book with the government clinic, known as KKIA (Klinik Kesihatan Ibu & Anak), Where the check up is very much cheaper and our baby's vaccination will be free compared to private which charges about RM 200 for each shot.

You cannot go to just any KKIA to do check up, you have to find out which KKIA is handling your district otherwise, they will not handle your case. When hubby and I first got to the KKIA we were directed to, we couldn't do a walk in. We'll need to set an appointment with the nurse and come again another day. You'll need to remember to bring the following:

- Your IC
- Spouse IC
- Marriage certificate
- Utilities bill

I got scolded by the nurse for seeing them so late. When I'm already 3 months into pregnancy. They said I should have come earlier. Well, I didn't know earlier, now I do...Well, suck it in... I read elsewhere that the ideal time to come is when you're 10 weeks pregnant. I also heard some going in at 8 weeks. So... I'm not sure on this.

Should have taken the picture when it's a new book; anyway, if you're fit, the sticker would be green instead of yellow.

 

If you're wondering why there's a yellow sticker, it's because I got a high bp record just lately in my 3rd trimester.

 

Came to the appointment as early as recommended by the nurse and finally open my first pink book (buku merah). The clinic was crowded. But they follow ticketing numbers so that was quite organised. First timers will be asked all sorts of questions like family medical history, LMP, and the usual urine and hemoglobin test (each visit) and after some briefing and advices, I finally got my pink book!

Ever since then, I went for both private and government clinic for checkup. It's tiring especially when the government clinic only operates on working hours and the time slot that I got is usually 8am.

I like the government clinic checks. They are more thorough. Each time you visit, you'll have to do a urine test, blood pressure test, hemoglobin count test, weight check and you'll get free obimin vitamins! All you have to do is to pay RM1 for the processing fee. But the downside is that you wont get scanned by the doctor on each visit. Only on certain appointments. If you don't mind that, I suggest you to only go for government clinic's. Although you may have to persevere in the infamous long wait.

Private is more expensive, every check they do and every prescription they gave is bound for charges. I often got charged closed to RM200 each time I made a visit to private hospital even without the prescription. But the bright side is that they operates on weekend as well (depends on which hospital) and their service is much faster. My advice though. Do get your questions prepared. Whether you got less questions or more questions you'll still be charged for consultancy, and it's not cheap.

There you go. It's up to you whether you want to opt for government or private. To me, it's all about the budget you have and the service you prefer.